Nuggets of Wisdom

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me the hell alone.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

3. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting
any.

4. No one is listening until you fart.

5. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have
their shoes.

7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

8. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
worth it.

10. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.

11. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of bad
experience comes from bad judgment.


12. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one
works.

13. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.

14. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.