Scientists Glimpse Beyond Big Bang

Scientists at NASA have finally constructed the the most powerful telescope ever built, the Deep Space Penetrator.  Friday this telescope sent back it's first glimpses of what occured BEFORE, and BEYOND the big bang.  "Every time we look up into deep space we are actually looking back in time."  Astronautical scientist Egbert Watkins explains.  "The light we see in our telescope lens is not only from 15 billion light years away, but also from 15 billion years ago.  We looked that far back in time and actually made a startling discovery."  This discovery is one that will rock the core of science, religion and philosophy, and change the way we view our world.  "Um, our entire universe is uh... actually completely contained in uh...  speck of dust on a ... on a ... Black Sabbath poster in a teenager's bedroom."  NASA scientists were rocked by the discovery.  "It appears that what we have been calling the big bang was actually a discharge of static electricity when the dust made contact with the poster in this youngster's room.  We all, here at NASA, have different interpretations about what this discovery means for the human race, but we all do agree on one important thing:  We have got to develop a method to keep this young man from cleaning his room."  NASA does not yet have a theory on how to do this.  "What a little Lemon Pledge could do to the Milky Way, let alone our entire Universe, would be catastrophic."